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coronavirus

    Compassion Fatigue
    General WellnessRelationships and Support

    Compassion Fatigue

    by Ariela Paulsen February 3, 2022March 24, 2022
    written by Ariela Paulsen

    This morning, my breakfast was interrupted by a family member looking to vent to me about something that had kept him up all night.  It was a topic I’d heard about on repeat for weeks.  As I looked down at my half-eaten oatmeal, I found I didn’t have any patience or empathy for him. What I found, rather, was annoyance and an overwhelming desire to run away.

    I fought down the urge to smirk and make a snarky comment, reflecting instead on why I felt this way.  It was a familiar feeling, one I’m not proud of, but that always comes from compassion fatigue.  

    With this realization, I politely interrupted and said, “Sorry to cut you off, but I just can’t hear this right now.  It is stressing me out and I need to eat my breakfast.”  Once I had self-regulated a bit (both my emotions and my blood sugar levels), I sought him out to explain that I actually don’t want to hear about that topic anymore.  I understand that he is still processing it, and other people may be able to help him with that, but unless there is something tangible I can do to help the problem, all hearing about it is doing for me is chipping away at my mental health.  

    Compassion fatigue is a very common phenomenon.  It is when your emotional capacity to care and feel empathy runs out.  The result?  You find yourself avoiding situations that require these emotions.  If confronted with them, your response may be cynical, even angry.  It is our mind’s way of putting up walls so that we don’t crumble from the weight of other people’s problems.  As a Highly Sensitive Person in a helping profession, I experience this fairly often.  Yet as a person with chronic illness, I am also frequently on the receiving end.

    When you have a bad cold or flu, people have empathy and want to help take care of you.  They put in extra energy to say nice things and bring you soup and blankets.  When you recover, things go back to normal, and they recover any emotional energy lost.  When you have a chronic illness, it’s not so simple.  The first few days of a flare up, people send you compassion and offer to help.  After a few days the help dries up.  If you stay sick longer than a week or two, people start to avoid you.  Even longer, and they may even become hostile.  I always found this response flabbergasting — a few weeks ago you were extra kind and told me how sorry you were that I feel sick.  I still feel just as bad, plus I have had to suffer through not living my life for weeks, and now somehow you’re angry with me?  It feels infuriating, isolating, and – frankly – traumatic to see all of my support people turn on me.

    But learning about compassion fatigue has helped me understand.  They are not turning on me.  They are not bad people.  They are simply fatigued from caring too much, so their brain has flipped a switch.  Added to this, of course, are our society’s views on chronic illness, that people who don’t simply get better must somehow be at fault; that if we were really trying hard enough, our condition would improve.  It’s hard for caregivers to not absorb this messaging in some way, even if they are generally great advocates and believers in our situation.

    If you have experienced compassion fatigue — from either direction — here are some tips that have helped me understand and productively move forward:

    the more you care, the more it hurts

    The conclusion I often jump to when someone stops showing me compassion is that they simply don’t care about me enough to stick around when I’m in rough shape.  It is actually the exact opposite.  The more we care about someone, the more it hurts to see them in pain.  So we hit the threshold of compassion fatigue quicker with those we love most. We may push ourselves to still show up longer when it’s someone we love, but the fatigue is there and we will eventually burn out if we don’t address it.

    helplessness 

    Another factor that can bring on compassion fatigue is helplessness.  If a friend is struggling but there are active things you can do to help, your emotional stamina will be buoyed by the direct impact you are able to have.  It feels so much worse when there is nothing tangible you can do.  One way to stave off compassion fatigue is to find specific ways to help or to show appreciation when people’s actions do have a positive impact.

    context matters

    No one’s emotional state exists in a vacuum. Compassion fatigue hits hardest when we are already worn out by strong emotions.  If you already have something challenging going on in your life, then you will be starting with a deficit and will become fatigued much faster.  This is also true for broader emotional strains.  For example, stress about climate change or politics or, say, the grief of living through a pandemic, can contribute greatly to your overall sense of heartbreak.  When seeking support, be patient with those who are already dealing with a lot.  If you are someone who feels weighed down by the world, be kind to yourself if you are unable to be as empathetic as you would like.

    we all need breaks

    If you find yourself or your support people becoming fatigued, remember that it is ok to take breaks!  It can be a good idea to rotate support — even to schedule it out logistically.  We see this in meal trains for new parents.  If a few people all help out at once and then burn out, the person in need will feel the sudden lack of help.  If each person chips in for short bursts and then trades off, they will get a breather and the person in need will have longer, more consistent care.  If all of your people become fatigued, or if you are worried about taxing them too much, consider hiring professionals.  Think about the support you are needing — someone to vent to, someone to cook or clean, etc.  Getting a therapist, house cleaner, or meal service could mean that your favorite people are able to show up when you need them most.

    name it

    The best thing you can do for compassion fatigue is to name it.  If you feel your own fatigue, tell the person that you care about them but that you notice compassion fatigue is starting to set in.  Make it clear that it’s not their fault, that you love them and will be there for them again in the future, but you need time to recharge your emotional battery before you can be a source of support and empathy again.  If you have already said or done something hurtful due to burnout, apologize for it and make sure they know that it was not how you really feel, but just a product of your brain’s defense mechanisms.  Set a time to check in later, but then make your boundaries clear for the time being.  You may be able to still hang out, but just be clear that only lighthearted fun is ok for now.

    If you notice signs of compassion fatigue in your support people, let them know!  Tell them you can see they are wearing thin and that it’s ok if they need a break.  They might feel guilty asking for a breather, but the longer they hold out, the worse it will get for your relationship. 


    Compassion fatigue is natural, reversible, and hurts on both sides.  So whichever side you find yourself on, try to be kind to yourself and each other.  Remember that it isn’t anyone’s fault and that it doesn’t mean a lack of love or of wanting to help.  Take time for yourself, encourage those you love to do the same, and remember that this too shall pass ♡

    For more information and resources, check out the Compassion Fatigue Awareness Project here.

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  • Masking Up For Omicron

    by Ariela Paulsen January 31, 2022January 31, 2022

    Throughout the pandemic, we have learned to adjust our thinking each time the virus changes or our knowledge grows.  Omicron,…

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  • Approaching the New Year With Care

    by Ariela Paulsen January 1, 2022January 1, 2022

    Boy, what a year.  I distinctly remember this day, exactly one year ago, when I told my partner “Thank goodness…

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  • 4 Ways to Find Connection From a Distance

    by Ariela Paulsen December 8, 2021March 24, 2022

    Snow has begun to carpet the world outside my home in northern Vermont, and I find myself taking slow, grounding…

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  • Preparing for the Unexpected

    by Ariela Paulsen October 6, 2021October 6, 2021

    Getting organized for daily life can be a challenge.  Being prepared for potential unexpected detours — like a trip to…

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  • Back to School?

    by Ariela Paulsen August 24, 2021August 26, 2021

    At the start of summer, it seemed I would be writing a joyous “back to school!” blog about the successful…

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  • 4 Things We’re Going to Miss about COVID Life

    by Ariela Paulsen July 19, 2021July 19, 2021

    It still feels difficult to believe that we’ve made it to this moment: COVID-19 cases have plummeted, vaccination rates are…

    1 FacebookTwitterPinterestEmail
  • July 4th Guide for 2021

    by Ariela Paulsen June 30, 2021June 30, 2021

    With vaccination rates in most areas remaining strong, the president and many state officials have identified July 4th as an…

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  • Informed consent in the time of COVID

    by Ariela Paulsen June 16, 2021March 24, 2022

    I often find myself returning to the topic of consent.  It is so crucial to so many aspects of life,…

    1 FacebookTwitterPinterestEmail
  • 5 Things About COVID Anxiety That Patients Wish Friends, Family, and Colleagues Understood

    by Ariela Paulsen May 26, 2021March 24, 2022

    COVID-19 cases in the US have plummeted since the vaccine rollout in January.  The millions of vaccines still being given…

    1 FacebookTwitterPinterestEmail
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The mission of Mighty Well is to help patients and their caregivers turn sickness into strength. We are leading the global charge that changes the perception of patients from victims to fighters. We do this by improving the experience of being a patient. We create the products we wish we’d had: functional and stylish apparel and accessories that you can wear with confidence - and content that can help you get through the good times and the bad. It’s wellness you can wear.

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One positive that came out of the pandemic was tha One positive that came out of the pandemic was that many of us were able to have flexible working arrangements. As more states lift restrictions, heading back to work after months of working from home can be a huge adjustment for so many of us. Allowing time in our schedules for commuting, brushing up on our social skills, and making sure to have access to our medical supplies are just a few things we need to prepare for.

📸 Mighty Well ambassador @ameliablackwater headed back to the classroom last week and is working on finding a happy balance of working, socializing, and finding time for herself. 

If you've returned to work, what was the hardest part about making the transition back? 
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Before you move forward always be sure to check th Before you move forward always be sure to check the price tag 💵
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Life is full of uncertainties. But there will alwa Life is full of uncertainties. But there will always be a sunrise after every sunset 🌅

"The only certainty in life is uncertainty. I challenge you to embrace it. Even if it's just for a bit" ~@kali_rarerootedwarrior ☺️

Featuring: The Mighty Pack & Undefeated Hat
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 #MightyWell #YouAreMighty #FriendsInTheFight #LiveMightyWell #Undefeated #InvisibleIllness #AutoimmuneDisease #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #LymeDisease #LymeWarrior #Spoonie #SpoonieLife #SpoonieCommunity #AdaptiveWear #KeepFighting  #SupportSystem #PICC #PICCLine #Port #Gastroparesis #EDS #MastCellDisease
We really love this message from @lizandmollie. In We really love this message from @lizandmollie. In fact, we couldn't have said it better ourselves 🤗 Chronic illness is filled with ups and downs and everyday will look a little different. Know that you're doing your best even on the days that you are flaring, in pain or fatigued. Remember that we are here to support you on the good days, the bad days and all the ones in between 💚 
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Going into a medical procedure is always a little Going into a medical procedure is always a little scary. The best way to minimize fear and anxiety is to go in as prepared as you can! If you are feeling nervous for an upcoming PICC line placement procedure, head to our latest blog (link in bio) for some confidence boosting tips so you can feel ready to go! 

📷 Friend in the Fight @zebrajemma loves her PICCPerfect PICC Line Cover. It keeps her PICC line in place without adhesives and is so comfortable 🤗
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You can hardly wait to tell everyone what happened You can hardly wait to tell everyone what happened and  suddenly start talking and realize you don't know where the story is going...has this happened to anyone else lately 🙋‍♂️We've been there! Brain fog, perhaps the most universal aspect of illness, is exhausting. Cognitive disorders can be frustrating but take solace in knowing that you are not alone. We've all experienced that foggy feeling 🌫 and although it's not permanent, it can arrive quickly and definitely overstay its welcome. 

Looking for a little help getting the fog to lift? Our Brain Fog Fix Planner is more than just a reminder system. It includes space to track daily symptoms, hydration, thoughts and moments of gratitude amidst the daily challenges and is brought to you with input from our Friends in the Fight® Click the link in our bio to find out more. 
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 #MightyWell #YouAreMighty #FriendsInTheFight #LiveMightyWell #Undefeated #InvisibleIllness #AutoimmuneDisease #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #LymeDisease #LymeWarrior #Spoonie #SpoonieLife #SpoonieCommunity #AdaptiveWear #KeepFighting  #SupportSystem #PICC #PICCLine #Port #BrainFog #ChronicFatigue #CognitiveDisorder
We've got your back! Our Mighty Pack is the first We've got your back! Our Mighty Pack is the first medical backpack designed by patients, for patients. Our backpack is perfect for wheelchair users, as it has multiple strap locations to allow for flexibility. Nobody needs to know that you are carrying or wearing your essential medical devices and supplies. As patients ourselves, this is a product that we wish we’d had! 💪💚 Best of all this can be purchased with most FSAs (Flexible Spending Accounts) and HSAs (Health Savings Accounts) Click on the photo to take a look inside the Mighty Pack. 

📹 We are all smiles over this video of Mighty Well ambassador @rebellious_story & her dog Sherlock 😍
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The school year is quickly coming to a close and w The school year is quickly coming to a close and we wanted to send a Mighty shout out to all the students who worked so hard this year despite the challenges of COVID 🙌 We know that it was a challenging year with limited in-person learning, social distancing, and the requirement of face masks. We are so proud of all of you and you should be too! 💚

📸 Featuring The Mighty Well Mask
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I’m proud to be trans and I’m proud to be disa I’m proud to be trans and I’m proud to be disabled — because you can’t put a boundary on being yourself ~@thedisabledhippie
 
Happy Pride Month to all of our Friends in the Fight in the LBGTQIA+ community 🏳️‍🌈
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It all started with a cut off sock, a cute hockey player, and an 8 AM finance class. Oh, and a PICC Line. That moment inspired us to launch our first product, the PICCPerfect PICC Line Cover.

 

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One positive that came out of the pandemic was tha One positive that came out of the pandemic was that many of us were able to have flexible working arrangements. As more states lift restrictions, heading back to work after months of working from home can be a huge adjustment for so many of us. Allowing time in our schedules for commuting, brushing up on our social skills, and making sure to have access to our medical supplies are just a few things we need to prepare for.

📸 Mighty Well ambassador @ameliablackwater headed back to the classroom last week and is working on finding a happy balance of working, socializing, and finding time for herself. 

If you've returned to work, what was the hardest part about making the transition back? 
.
.

#MightyWell #YouAreMighty #FriendsInTheFight #LiveMightyWell #Undefeated #InvisibleIllness #AutoimmuneDisease #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #LymeDisease #LymeWarrior #Spoonie #SpoonieLife #SpoonieCommunity #AdaptiveWear #KeepFighting  #SupportSystem #PICC #PICCLine #Port #Autism #WFH #RemoteWork #Telecommute #MightyWellMask #Pandemic
Before you move forward always be sure to check th Before you move forward always be sure to check the price tag 💵
.
.
#MightyWell #YouAreMighty #FriendsInTheFight #LiveMightyWell #Undefeated #InvisibleIllness #AutoimmuneDisease #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #LymeDisease #LymeWarrior #Spoonie #SpoonieLife #SpoonieCommunity #AdaptiveWear #KeepFighting  #SupportSystem #PICC #PICCLine #Port #MentalHealth #MentalHealthAwareness #Anxiety #Depression #PTSD
Life is full of uncertainties. But there will alwa Life is full of uncertainties. But there will always be a sunrise after every sunset 🌅

"The only certainty in life is uncertainty. I challenge you to embrace it. Even if it's just for a bit" ~@kali_rarerootedwarrior ☺️

Featuring: The Mighty Pack & Undefeated Hat
.
.
 #MightyWell #YouAreMighty #FriendsInTheFight #LiveMightyWell #Undefeated #InvisibleIllness #AutoimmuneDisease #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #LymeDisease #LymeWarrior #Spoonie #SpoonieLife #SpoonieCommunity #AdaptiveWear #KeepFighting  #SupportSystem #PICC #PICCLine #Port #Gastroparesis #EDS #MastCellDisease
We really love this message from @lizandmollie. In We really love this message from @lizandmollie. In fact, we couldn't have said it better ourselves 🤗 Chronic illness is filled with ups and downs and everyday will look a little different. Know that you're doing your best even on the days that you are flaring, in pain or fatigued. Remember that we are here to support you on the good days, the bad days and all the ones in between 💚 
. 
.
#MightyWell #YouAreMighty #FriendsInTheFight #LiveMightyWell #Undefeated #InvisibleIllness #AutoimmuneDisease #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #LymeDisease #LymeWarrior #Spoonie #SpoonieLife #SpoonieCommunity #AdaptiveWear #KeepFighting  #SupportSystem #PICC #PICCLine #Port #ChronicFatigue #MultipleSclerosis #Lupus #SickleCellAnemia #Endometriosis #POTS
Going into a medical procedure is always a little Going into a medical procedure is always a little scary. The best way to minimize fear and anxiety is to go in as prepared as you can! If you are feeling nervous for an upcoming PICC line placement procedure, head to our latest blog (link in bio) for some confidence boosting tips so you can feel ready to go! 

📷 Friend in the Fight @zebrajemma loves her PICCPerfect PICC Line Cover. It keeps her PICC line in place without adhesives and is so comfortable 🤗
.
.
 #MightyWell #YouAreMighty #FriendsInTheFight #LiveMightyWell #Undefeated #InvisibleIllness #AutoimmuneDisease #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #LymeDisease #LymeWarrior #Spoonie #SpoonieLife #SpoonieCommunity #AdaptiveWear #KeepFighting  #SupportSystem #PICC #PICCLine #Port #IVIG
You can hardly wait to tell everyone what happened You can hardly wait to tell everyone what happened and  suddenly start talking and realize you don't know where the story is going...has this happened to anyone else lately 🙋‍♂️We've been there! Brain fog, perhaps the most universal aspect of illness, is exhausting. Cognitive disorders can be frustrating but take solace in knowing that you are not alone. We've all experienced that foggy feeling 🌫 and although it's not permanent, it can arrive quickly and definitely overstay its welcome. 

Looking for a little help getting the fog to lift? Our Brain Fog Fix Planner is more than just a reminder system. It includes space to track daily symptoms, hydration, thoughts and moments of gratitude amidst the daily challenges and is brought to you with input from our Friends in the Fight® Click the link in our bio to find out more. 
.
.
 #MightyWell #YouAreMighty #FriendsInTheFight #LiveMightyWell #Undefeated #InvisibleIllness #AutoimmuneDisease #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #LymeDisease #LymeWarrior #Spoonie #SpoonieLife #SpoonieCommunity #AdaptiveWear #KeepFighting  #SupportSystem #PICC #PICCLine #Port #BrainFog #ChronicFatigue #CognitiveDisorder
We've got your back! Our Mighty Pack is the first We've got your back! Our Mighty Pack is the first medical backpack designed by patients, for patients. Our backpack is perfect for wheelchair users, as it has multiple strap locations to allow for flexibility. Nobody needs to know that you are carrying or wearing your essential medical devices and supplies. As patients ourselves, this is a product that we wish we’d had! 💪💚 Best of all this can be purchased with most FSAs (Flexible Spending Accounts) and HSAs (Health Savings Accounts) Click on the photo to take a look inside the Mighty Pack. 

📹 We are all smiles over this video of Mighty Well ambassador @rebellious_story & her dog Sherlock 😍
.
.
 #MightyWell #YouAreMighty #FriendsInTheFight #LiveMightyWell #Undefeated #Community #Health #Wellness #ButYouDontLookSick #InvisibleIllness #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #ChronicIllnessWarrior #LymeDisease #LymeWarrior #Spoonie #SpoonieLife #SpoonieCommunity #LivingwithChronicIllness #Crohns #InfusionPump #MedicalBackpack #DiabeticLife #Gastroparesis #EnteralNutrition #Wheelchair #Tubefeeding #MedicalSupplies #TubeFed
The school year is quickly coming to a close and w The school year is quickly coming to a close and we wanted to send a Mighty shout out to all the students who worked so hard this year despite the challenges of COVID 🙌 We know that it was a challenging year with limited in-person learning, social distancing, and the requirement of face masks. We are so proud of all of you and you should be too! 💚

📸 Featuring The Mighty Well Mask
.
.
 #MightyWell #YouAreMighty #FriendsInTheFight #LiveMightyWell #Undefeated #InvisibleIllness #AutoimmuneDisease #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #LymeDisease #LymeWarrior #Spoonie #SpoonieLife #SpoonieCommunity #AdaptiveWear #KeepFighting  #SupportSystem #PICC #PICCLine #Port #Pandemic #HomeSchool #Graduation #SocialDistancing
I’m proud to be trans and I’m proud to be disa I’m proud to be trans and I’m proud to be disabled — because you can’t put a boundary on being yourself ~@thedisabledhippie
 
Happy Pride Month to all of our Friends in the Fight in the LBGTQIA+ community 🏳️‍🌈
.
.
#MightyWell #YouAreMighty #FriendsInTheFight #LiveMightyWell #Undefeated #InvisibleIllness #AutoimmuneDisease #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #LymeDisease #LymeWarrior #Spoonie #SpoonieLife #SpoonieCommunity #AdaptiveWear #Pride #LBGTQ #Transgender #LoveisLove #NonBinary #BiSexual #GayPride #Instalove
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