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I Lost My "Creative"

When I was diagnosed with chronic neurological Lyme last may, I lost a part of my identity-- my creative drive that truly makes me who I am. Neurological disorders, since they are in your brain and nervous system, can affect the most cherished parts of ourselves. This poem is a realization that I could never truly lose myself to illness, even though at times I may feel like I've lost my creativity, I know that it is always there. And no matter what, my illness does not define me.


I Lost My “Creative”

by Katie Lustig

 

I lost my “Creative”

in May last year— weak

body growing tired

with obsessive fear.

 

My abusive memories

had no escape.

They burrowed deep

in my brain. Little

spirochetes are

all insane—

sneaky and fierce,

completely untamed.

 

Spiral-shaped bacteria

drill deep into your soft

brain, like corkscrews

In play-dough—

spiraling with ease,

effortless pain.

 

They take control of

cognitive functions,

like focus, memory,

and motor speed

that are all necessary

to function like

a natural, healthy,

normal human being.

 

The creative ones,

who get sick,

run the risk of

losing their gift because

their ideas won’t stick.

 

But true creativity

never really dies.

It lives right behind that

place between your eyes—

the same place

where fear lies.

 

And when fear slips in front

of the creative mind

It’s easy to forget

yourself. We become blind.

 

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